LIFE SKILL #1- BEGINNING AND CLOSING YOUR DAY WITH CONSCIOUS CONNECTION
We are currently living through a collective experience of trauma in a way that those alive today have never experienced before. It comes from a state of near constant and continued stress and uncertainty, stemming from many sources including an ongoing pandemic, along with civil and political unrest that have been felt globally, nationally, in our local communities, and in our homes. It is a very complex phenomenon in which trauma is being experienced on a large scale that is collectively shared, but also varies greatly in terms of individual experiences of difficulties and grief.
It is helpful to remember that all of us have our own gifts, wounds, and personal core issues in life. Many times I witness in a person’s life story experiences with a similar element that begin as a challenge and then transform to powerful lessons and expansion. How far we can go in our healing and growth is truly limitless.
Here are a couple of very simple practices that if integrated into your life, can promote a positive outcome. I have seen it to be helpful and effective so many times. It is simply bringing in a conscious connection with yourself or check-in at the start of your day and the end of your day. And it goes like this:
MORNING CHECK IN:
As you wake up, check in with yourself. Do you feel fully rested from the sleep that you had the night before? If that is your sense, extend gratitude and really connect with that refreshed energy and welcome what you can do with that in the new day which is beginning. If on the other hand, if you feel tired and resist having to get out of bed, connect with that in a way that offers compassion. Think of what you can provide for yourself in the day ahead to acknowledge and serve that. Is there a time in your schedule for a 10-20 minute nap/meditation/closing of your eyes? Is there a time in the afternoon for a hot tea and break? If you are able to manifest such a gesture, receive it as self care and self respect.
Then invite something of a spark or fun goal about that day. For example, you could choose to wear a favorite soft sweater or unmatched socks. You could set a goal to make a stranger smile, reach out to someone you have not connected with in a long time, or taste something that you have never tried before. It is not uncommon for it to seem difficult or awkward at first. New habits are not in the brain pattern at the start. Once your creativity gets going, you can find a delightful new connection with yourself and how the day feels for you.
END OF THE DAY CHECK IN
As you lie in bed at night, check in with yourself. See how you did with your goal or choice. If it was a forgotten goal, no judgement or punishment is welcomed. It is just information. Usually that information is that you were really tired, distracted, and maybe tomorrow you could to go with choices such as what to wear or have for breakfast for a while.
Then see if you can find one to three things which you feel grateful for about that day. It could include that you are grateful that you made it through that day. This again is a practice that gets better with time. Gratitude goes a long way and sets the night for good sleep and dreams.
Ideas to invoke reflection:
A New Year With A Traumatic Past
With the start of a New Year, many begin with intentions and images of desired ways to experience a new year of life. Ironically, much of the source of that "new" image is a direct connection to what feels like a longing or unmet need(s) from the year(s) before. Some encourage and suggest that we should aim to sever the cords from our past to truly have a blank slate for the future. I have been reflecting upon that image and wondering how one could accomplish such a task. I understand how our history and specifically our wounds from the past can limit our experience and views in the present and the future. I contemplate and invite you to join me in reflecting upon a way to remove that impact and to establish as blank a slate as possible. I feel excitement in my core when I even get a glimpse of opening up to a new day with no, or minimal baggage of fear or inhibition from the days before. And a part of me knows that some people who have walked this earth have manifested an approach to life which aligns with that. I think of stories I've heard about other cultures and tribes who have a very different relationship with time. I think of books, movies, myths, and fairy tales which stir our imaginations of how the limits of time can be released. Back to the Future, A Wrinkle in Time; The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe are but of few of such creative expressions. A burst of freedom and openness seem to naturally come with the chains of time being lifted.
Time is that curious concept which has been proven in quantum physics to be an illusion. The very template we have to "picture" time in our current Western Culture is linear and often displayed in two dimensional images. The Mayan calendar was established through a circular pattern. Many Native American Tribes have more three dimensional images of time which invite a more spiral pattern. The relationships that we have with the past, present and future have a significant impact on the emotional sense of life in general. In my clinical experience, I have witnessed many who had become caught in a neurological cycle of re-experiencing times from the past. Flashbacks of past trauma can produce confining nets of fear over the present. I also have seen many who are so apprehensive of what may go wrong in the future, that they figuratively and literally can become paralyzed. Depression and Anxiety can be suffering side effects of a dysfunctional relationship with time. Yet, most people have experienced times in life where their concept and measurement of time is profoundly changed. It is often life changing events which show us how 30 seconds can feel like hours, and a day can seem like a blink of an eye. Facing the death of a loved one often invokes a different understanding of and direct experience of time. So maybe the death or close of a calendar year naturally births a new sense of time with a new year ahead.
So how can we welcome this New Year openly and freely with the past that precedes it? And after a year like 2020, many feel a very strong need to establish 2021 as very separate from the year before. And how can we integrate a new relationship with time, which allows events from the past to serve us and not hold us back? I think there are skills and concepts which we can use to provide direction and help us to manifest a new experience of a new year in this time of life.
The first skill is one that I know to be practical and magical. I am in awe of how people can use this skill to perform miracles of transformation in their lives. In simple terms, it is the skill of befriending memories. It is allowing our capacity to expand understanding and create a more holistic story line to serve us in relation to historic events that have a shadowing effect on us. Our natural, neurological and automatic reactions to events which are upsetting and traumatic are limiting. Literally parts of our brain shut down and parts become dominantly activated. When we are activated into a state of alarm, neurologically the amygdala is turned on as our alarm system and that triggers a series of ways in which our brains sets us up to survive. To move from a sense of surviving to a choice of thriving, we need to consciously use other parts of our brain and move beyond an automatic reaction to a mindful response.
Having witnessed many people use this practice is truly one of the greatest treasures in my life experience. I have seen a woman with a history of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse transform a self definition of being damaged goods with no real worth to a very truthful and worthy sense of self as a strong, resilient, wise woman. The story line of being abused, wronged, and wounded was but a part of the whole. And the focus on a part of the story line as the whole story is a common side effect to ones who have experienced repeated exposure to surviving. The other parts of their story that include the neighbor or aunt who offered love, or the determination they had to get out and put themselves through college; and their ability to have a career, be self sufficient, and to have selected a loving partner are often given very little merit or focus. That example is intentionally very big, but the same approach or pattern can easily apply to a perspective about one's current job, or body image, or the review of the past year. We can easily enlarge the size of what isn't working for us to a proportion that blocks other parts which promote a different view, and a much better emotional sense of things.
The blank slate has room for it all to be honored in the past. It is helpful to remember that when asked if the glass of water is half full or half empty, you can over ride the limitations in which that question is asked. Because the truth is the glass is half full and half empty. We do not have to pick only part of the whole. It is helpful to remember that which is half empty. That way it is not rapidly consumed, resulting in being completely empty, with no reserve. It is delightful to focus on the half full which promotes a sense of having value and appreciation of that beautiful water. When we learn from what has not worked for us in life, we grow. It allows that transformation of hard times to become something we feel gratitude for. That promotes empowerment. It is a great service to ourselves when we offer grace and understanding with self reflection. Every prior step is required for us to be right where we are. And that allows the present to be more joyful and the future more open. Welcome the wisdom from last year to offer grounding instead of wounds as you look to the New Year with open eyes and open heart to all that may be.